Info & Advice

How to tell your teenager about the divorce

For most children, the news that their parents are getting divorced comes as an unhappy shock. It means disruption, uncertainty and permanent change. If the other parent has already moved out it also means an end to any hopes the child may have harboured about their parents getting back together.

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Of course, age will have a big effect on the way children respond to the news. If they are too young to understand the concept of divorce, they might miss the other parent’s daily presence for a little while, but most will adapt to the new circumstances soon enough – as long as the familiar, comforting routines of daily life continue.

Older children, meanwhile, might understand some of the fundamentals, but their grasp of just what it all means will still be tenuous. Confusion and upset often mingle with worry that it was all somehow their fault, so your priority as a parent should be reassurance. Make sure they understand that while living arrangements may have changed, they still have two parents. The father or mother who has moved out will be back to see them regularly – and none of it is their fault!

But what about teenagers? Past the age of 13, telling your children will be a little easier. Teenagers are old enough to understand at least some of the adult complexities behind divorce. But they may still be feeling insecure and uncertain so it is still important to approach this often difficult topic carefully.

Be clear

Don’t leave room for teenage imaginations to run riot. As soon as things are in motion, spell out exactly what Mum and Dad splitting up means for them: what will change and what will stay the same – how it will affect their daily lives and how it won’t. Make sure they understand when and how often they’ll be seeing the other parent.

Be upbeat

Your teenager might put on a brave face, or do they best to console you, but an obviously upset parent will still be a disturbing discovery. His or her life still revolves around you and they still derive a sense of security from you as their mother or father. So, do your best to spare them any anxieties or anguish you may be feeling about the divorce or separation. Save that for your friends or therapist.

Don’t go into too much detail

Let your teenagers continue to enjoy a good relationship with the other parent – unless there’s a very good reason for them not to. Spare them messy adult realities like infidelity or arguments over money. If they do ask ‘why?’ offer something simple – for example, “we just don’t love each other anymore.’

Don’t criticise the other parent

Even if you are at loggerheads with your estranged spouse, resist the temptation to criticise him or her to your kids. Don’t openly blame them for the divorce. Even as teenagers, your children may hear this as a criticism of half of them – or they may try to please you by siding with your point of view entirely and begin distancing themselves from the other parent. Encouraging your child to reject their other parent is known as ‘parent alienation’, and it can be very damaging to their welfare and long-term happiness. Don’t do it!


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FAQs

We guide you through the basics of family law by answering some popular questions regarding divorce, financial issues and children disputes.

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Are my rights dependent on my reasons for divorce?

No. There is now no need to cite any reasons for wanting a divorce as you simply need to declare that the marriage has broken…

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No. There is now no need to cite any reasons for wanting a divorce as you simply need to declare that the marriage has broken down irretrievably.


Are there any alternatives to divorce?

If divorce is not an option for you maybe because of, say, religious beliefs, it is possible to obtain an order for judicial separation or…

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If divorce is not an option for you maybe because of, say, religious beliefs, it is possible to obtain an order for judicial separation or a nullity order without having to prove that your marriage has irretrievably broken down. For specialist advice on the process and the effects of nullity and judicial separation speak to a specialist divorce and family lawyer.

Remember an alternative to divorce is also not splitting up. You could stay together and try to work on your issues. Speak to a relationship counsellor in confidence.


Can I choose my own solicitor or lawyer at a family law firm?

Sometimes. This will largely depend on the firm’s caseload and internal structure. Family lawyers usually co-work cases in small teams. A solicitor may handle your…

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Sometimes. This will largely depend on the firm’s caseload and internal structure. Family lawyers usually co-work cases in small teams. A solicitor may handle your matter on a day-to-day basis together with assistants, support staff and oversight from a partner or director. You would pay a blended rate for the time each fee earner’s spends progressing your case. If your matter is not particularly complex then there may be no need for you to pay the rates of a partner or director. If you are undergoing and international divorce or have complex financial affairs you may need to speak to someone with more experience which will naturally come at a greater cost to you. If you are offered a solicitor who is cheaper than your solicitor of choice, then it’s always worth considering it as you’ll save money and likely still have some input from your solicitor of choice. Family law teams chat with each other regularly.


Can I remarry after my divorce?

Yes. Once you the final order of divorce has been issued, your marriage is terminated and you can remarry. Do pay attention to any financial…

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Yes. Once you the final order of divorce has been issued, your marriage is terminated and you can remarry. Do pay attention to any financial order you have agreed with your husband or wife / any financial orders that a court has made, as certain types of financial provision may come to an end on your remarriage. It may be a good idea to seek advice from a solicitor before you remarry to ensure that you understand what financial obligations from your former spouse will terminate as a result.


Can I talk to someone about divorce and what it means?

Yes, you can either search for your own solicitor or speak to one of the highly regarded specialist family lawyers that we would recommend.


Can we go for counselling during our divorce?

Yes of course. Your divorce isn’t final until the final order is issued and no one can blame you for wanting to be sure that…

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Yes of course. Your divorce isn’t final until the final order is issued and no one can blame you for wanting to be sure that you’re doing the right thing. Relate is an organisation offering relationship counselling for a whole host of issues. They have centres across the UK and a network of licensed local counsellors as well as phone, email and live chat counselling.


Do I need a solicitor or lawyer to get divorced? Can I conduct divorce proceedings myself?

It’s totally your choice based on your budget but there are obvious advantages of being represented by a specialist family law solicitor or lawyer. If…

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It’s totally your choice based on your budget but there are obvious advantages of being represented by a specialist family law solicitor or lawyer. If you and your spouse both agree that your marriage has irretrievably broken down, then you may feel confident enough to conduct divorce proceedings yourself using the government website. We would always advise speaking to a solicitor, at least in the first instance.


How do I find the best divorce lawyers in my area?

Usually, it’s best to do your own research through word of mouth, reviews and actually meeting your solicitor to see if it is the right…

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Usually, it’s best to do your own research through word of mouth, reviews and actually meeting your solicitor to see if it is the right fit. There are several good solicitors out there, but not every solicitor is for every client and vice versa. If you want to speak to one of the divorce solicitors that we deal with then you can free of charge using a free initial consultation.


How do I start divorce proceedings? How do I apply for a divorce?

Divorce proceedings are commenced by completing a divorce application. You should be able to start divorce proceedings online: https://www.gov.uk/apply-for-divorce. The court charges a mandatory fee…

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Divorce proceedings are commenced by completing a divorce application. You should be able to start divorce proceedings online: https://www.gov.uk/apply-for-divorce. The court charges a mandatory fee of £593 for processing your divorce application regardless of whether you do it yourself or go through a solicitor. The court fee changes from time to time. If you are in difficult financial circumstances the court may allow you to reduce your fee, you should look at the ‘Help with fees’ application on the government website.


How does the divorce process work? What are the stages of the divorce process?

For an application where one spouse filed the divorce application it is as follows. Divorce application is served on (sent to) your husband or wife,…

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For an application where one spouse filed the divorce application it is as follows.

  • Divorce application is served on (sent to) your husband or wife, (the Respondent);
  • Respondent completes and sends to the court an Acknowledgement of Service form;
  • 20 weeks after the date the divorce application was issued the applicant applies to the court for a conditional order of divorce (formerly known as the decree nisi). This states that, based on the information and documentation that the court has seen to date, the court is willing to grant the applicant a divorce in due course.
  • The conditional order is made by the court;
  • Six weeks and one day after the conditional order is made, the applicant may apply to the court for the final order terminating their marriage (formerly known as the decree absolute).
  • The final order of divorce is made and the marriage terminated. This essentially replaces your marriage certificate and acts as formal proof that your marriage is dissolved.

The process is slightly different if you and your spouse agree to file a joint application for divorce. Although the conditional order and final order stages are the same, the court doesn’t require the second applicant to complete an acknowledgement of service form. Instead, the second respondent needs to confirm that they have received the notice sent by the court.

If you are sorting out finances with your spouse alongside the divorce (which is recommended), solicitors may advise that you do not apply for a final order until a final financial order is agreed. This is because divorce terminates marriage and means that, if your spouse were to die before a financial order was made but after you had terminated your marriage, you would no longer be entitled to all of the benefits that you otherwise would be as their existing spouse.


How long does a divorce take?

How long is a piece of string? Honestly, it really does depend on a number of factors: Do you have your original marriage certificate? How…

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How long is a piece of string? Honestly, it really does depend on a number of factors:

  • Do you have your original marriage certificate?
  • How difficult is your husband or wife?
  • Do you intend to file a joint application with your spouse?
  • How organised are you? How organised is your husband or wife?
  • How busy is your solicitor or your spouse’s solicitor?
  • How many people are currently getting divorce in England & Wales and how quickly are the courts able to process all of those applications.
  • Will you wait until your finances are resolved by way of a formal financial order from the court (which can also be based on an agreement with your spouse – a consent order) before applying for a final order (formerly known as a Decree Absolute)?

If we are calling a spade a spade and being realistic, it can take an average of 18 months!


How much does a divorce cost?

How long is a piece of string? If your divorce is very straightforward and you and your husband or wife agree on everything, then you…

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How long is a piece of string? If your divorce is very straightforward and you and your husband or wife agree on everything, then you may be able to represent yourself in divorce proceedings. If this is the case, then you may only need to pay the court fee of £550. If your spouse instructs a solicitor, you may wish to do the same to ensure that you have what we call equality of arms – the opportunity to be represented to the same degree as your husband or wife. Costs do go up if instructing a solicitor but sometimes it is a price worth paying. Only you can decide.

Are there any fixed price or fixed-fee options? Some solicitors do offer fixed price (fixed-fee) packages for divorce because it can be a straightforward process. You can always speak to a specialist divorce and family lawyer offering a free initial consultation and fixed-fee divorce package to find out more.


How soon can I get a divorce or dissolve a civil partnership?

To get a divorce or get a dissolution in England or Wales, you have to have been married or in a civil partnership for one…

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To get a divorce or get a dissolution in England or Wales, you have to have been married or in a civil partnership for one year or more.


How soon is too soon to remarry?

This is up to you but pay attention to any financial orders between you and your former spouse. Certain types of financial provision, for example…

Read More

This is up to you but pay attention to any financial orders between you and your former spouse. Certain types of financial provision, for example spousal maintenance, will come to an end on your remarriage.


I’m unhappy in my marriage, what do I do?

If you’re unsure whether the finality of divorce is really what you want or if you need help to come to terms with your separation…

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If you’re unsure whether the finality of divorce is really what you want or if you need help to come to terms with your separation and the end of your marriage, we recommend you first speak in confidence with a relationship counsellor who can work with you to help you to deal with what has happened and how to move on. If you have children, a relationship counsellor can help you to support your children with what is happening. Relate are an organisation that have experience in counselling people from different backgrounds, including LGBT individuals and couples, so they can be a good place to start when looking for relationship counselling.

If you are experiencing a relationship breakdown, you will probably have a lot of questions about the legal process of divorce, alternatives to divorce, information surrounding making arrangements for your children and splitting your finances.

Whilst the divorce process itself is administrative, the issues surrounding splitting up and ending your marriage are often more complex and need to be dealt with sympathetically, fairly, and efficiently. Getting advice or reviewing our guides early is crucial in helping you know what to expect so you can plan for the journey.


We married abroad, can I still get a divorce in England & Wales?

The answer to this question is fact-specific and can be far from straightforward. The default position is that, if you usually live in England and…

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The answer to this question is fact-specific and can be far from straightforward. The default position is that, if you usually live in England and Wales or you consider yourself to be domiciled in England and Wales, and your overseas marriage is valid in England and Wales, you should be able to divorce in England & Wales.

You can prove validity of marriage by producing a marriage certificate issued by the relevant authority in accordance with the marriage registration laws of the country in which you married.

This can be a complicated area of law, so we suggest that you speak to a specialist divorce and family lawyer.


What are my rights if I get divorced?

If you have been married for more than one year, live in England and Wales and your marriage is recognised as valid in England &…

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If you have been married for more than one year, live in England and Wales and your marriage is recognised as valid in England & Wales, then you will be able to get a divorce provided you can evidence that your marriage has irretrievably broken down.

Your rights will differ depending on whether you mean your rights regarding children, property or other finances.

As a divorced person, you have the right to change your name back to your birth name, if you chose to change it on marriage.


What are the grounds for divorce? What evidence do I need to have to get divorced?

It is no longer necessary to cite a reason or attribute blame when applying for divorce. Now you need only make a formal declaration that…

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It is no longer necessary to cite a reason or attribute blame when applying for divorce. Now you need only make a formal declaration that your marriage has broken down, and you can do so jointly with your former spouse if you wish.

You will also need to provide the court with your original marriage certificate (photocopies will not suffice). If your original marriage certificate is not in English, it will need to be translated.


What documents do I need to get together before I can initiate divorce proceedings?

Your original marriage certificate or a court certified copy, this isn’t a photocopy. If your spouse no longer lives with you then you will need…

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Your original marriage certificate or a court certified copy, this isn’t a photocopy. If your spouse no longer lives with you then you will need an email address for them and a postal address where they can receive paperwork.

Although you do not need these documents for the divorce itself, it is worth starting to collate your financial documents. See finances.


What is a no-fault divorce? What is a fault-based divorce?

Prior to April 2022, family law required applicants for divorce to cite one of five reasons for the end of the marriage. A number of…

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Prior to April 2022, family law required applicants for divorce to cite one of five reasons for the end of the marriage. A number of these required attributing blame to the other spouse – effectively declaring that the divorce was their fault. Lawyers and campaigners argued for years that this encouraged unnecessary acrimony during an already emotional time.

The law has now changed. Under the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act, applicants now need only make a formal declare that their marriage has broken down, and this declaration can be made jointly with their spouse if they wish. Because it is no longer necessary to attribute blame, the new legislation is often referred to as ‘no fault divorce’.

This is a welcome reform that will allow most couples to make the first steps in their separation as amicable as possible and end the old blame game.


What is a pre-nuptial agreement?

This is a document which sets out what money each party with exit the marriage or civil partnership with if the relationship breaks down. The…

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This is a document which sets out what money each party with exit the marriage or civil partnership with if the relationship breaks down. The document usually deals with property, pensions, maintenance and savings. It may also deal with other things like pets, jewellery and personal possessions. These types of agreement aren’t binding in the courts of England and Wales but they can be highly persuasive if they are seen to be fair at the time the parties split up.

Ideally both parties would enter into the agreement more than six weeks before their wedding or civil partnership takes place. It is ideal, but not mandatory for each party to take specialist legal advice from a family solicitor or barrister.

The more evidence there is that the parties both understood the terms of the agreement they signed, the more likely the courts will be persuaded to put into effect the terms of the agreement.


What is divorce? What does divorce involve?

Marriage is a legal relationship; a contract between spouses. Divorce is the legal process that terminates a marriage. It’s not a step to take lightly…

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Marriage is a legal relationship; a contract between spouses. Divorce is the legal process that terminates a marriage. It’s not a step to take lightly but, if there are no complicating factors, then the divorce process itself is largely administrative and straightforward.

It’s important to remember that the process of terminating your marriage is separate to the process that determines who gets the house or other financial assets (the finances).

If you’ve decided that you want to separate from your spouse you might be thinking “what’s the best way to formally end my relationship?” Divorce is one option but there are alternatives to divorce that might suit your circumstances a little more.


Where can I find the forms and documents that I need for my divorce?

If you are represented then ask your solicitor for any forms or links. If you are unrepresented or undecided, then you can find court forms…

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If you are represented then ask your solicitor for any forms or links. If you are unrepresented or undecided, then you can find court forms on the .gov website.  You might need the name of the form you’re searching for to find the right document. For example, instead of searching for a divorce application, you would search for a form D8.


Who pays for the divorce?

This depends on your individual circumstances, as well as those of your spouse. Quantifying these costs outside of the mandatory court filing fee can be…

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This depends on your individual circumstances, as well as those of your spouse. Quantifying these costs outside of the mandatory court filing fee can be tricky. Remember, you can always negotiate or compromise on a figure and communicate that with each other or, if you are represented, your solicitors.

Your fees for financial matters or issues relating to your children are a separate consideration.


Will dating someone else during my separation impact my case?

It can. It’s important to remember that until the final order of divorce is pronounced in your case, you are still technically married. Serious new…

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It can. It’s important to remember that until the final order of divorce is pronounced in your case, you are still technically married. Serious new relationships can also impact upon the finances if your new partner lives with you or contributes to your household finances.

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