To help cope with the stresses and anxiety relationship breakdown and divorce can bring, many people are turning towards therapy as a way to help them manage. Counselling and other therapies can help divorcing couples better handle the legal process, parenting challenges, and everything else that goes alongside what can be a difficult and protracted experience. But what types of therapy can help? We look at the options.
Couple therapy
The role of a couples counsellor or therapist is to facilitate change and bring about a resolution by helping both parties communicate more effectively and reach their own conclusions with professional guidance. The overall aim of couples therapy within a divorce backdrop is to help you:
- Reflect on the past and how it operates in the present
- Communicate in a more constructive and effective way
- Learn why arguments escalate
- Negotiate and resolve conflicts where possible
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
Individuals going through a divorce can learn CBT techniques to manage arguments and avoid conflicts with their ex. Splits and divorces bring out the worst in people, but CBT can help reshape thought patterns, provide coping mechanisms, and develop alternative ways to respond to unhelpful thoughts and comments. It has also been shown to support improved emotional awareness, behavioural change, listening and communication skills, and conflict management.
CBT also offers a couples therapy option where parties learn how to successfully navigate a divorce together without leaning into past behaviours and entrenched positions.
Divorce therapy
A divorce counsellor helps individuals process the divorce, although doesn’t provide legal advice. They give people the opportunity to make sense of their situation and assist them in putting the problems and challenges that may have occurred during the marriage behind them.
Co-parenting counselling
Relationship counselling which addresses dual parenting arising from divorce provides a safe and supportive platform for newly separated co-parents to improve their communication and resolve conflicts effectively. It explores communication patterns, identifies any underlying issues, and teaches effective problem-solving strategies. A crucial aspect of co-parenting is prioritising the wellbeing of the child. By focussing on the child’s needs, and encouraging open communication between the parents, it provides a more stable environment and helps the child come to terms with the new situation.
Psychotherapy and counselling
These are both excellent options for obtaining divorce support, using talking therapies to treat emotional problems and mental health issues. A qualified therapist is trained to be an empathetic listener and can give expert guidance on managing grief, stress, and any self-defeating thoughts. You will be able to vent your emotions and talk about your fears, particularly those feelings that are too private and intense to talk about elsewhere. It is a good idea to make enquiries of more than one therapist or counsellor before going ahead, as the connection between you needs to be strong.
Family therapy
Family therapy helps members of a family understand each other better, change negative behaviours and resolve conflicts. It is appropriate for all ages, and can be useful for individuals too. Working alongside a therapist, families can discuss difficulties and differences within their relationships with the aim of improving communication and finding a way forward. Family therapists don’t always exclusively work with an entire family, and may only work with certain members, with children and adults individually, or with couples.
Within divorce, family therapy can help when:
- Parents are worried about their child and their child’s behaviour following the announcement of the divorce
- Parents are concerned about the impact of the divorce on the family
- The family is coping with loss or trauma
- Family members are going through a life change (e.g. moving away, changing schools, getting married, etc)
Relationship/marriage support groups
Informal support groups provide a safe and confidential space for people to speak openly about what they are going through without fear of judgment or discrimination. Attending these groups can help reduce the isolation and loneliness that can come from a relationship breakdown.
Talking to family and friends
One way to seek emotional support during a divorce or separation is talking to family and friends. Someone within your circle will have probably experienced what you are going through, so getting reassurance from someone who has been there can help make things easier. One of the most worrying aspects of a divorce can be attending meetings or court hearings. If you have someone within your family, or a friend, who is available to attend the meeting with you, or meet after a court hearing, it could be a great way of calmly reflecting upon the experience so that you can move forward and take your mind off the situation.
Physical exercise/sport/leisure
Physical exercise can help improve mood and mental health. Exercise promotes and releases “feel good” chemicals such as endorphins throughout the body, which help improve mood and make you feel more relaxed. If you find yourself feeling low, try going for a walk or a jog, head to the gym, or carry out a home workout. These can help reduce anxiety and enhance your sense of wellbeing.
Are there any more “alternative” therapies I could try?
As a complement to the counselling options mentioned above, alternative therapies can be used to increase wellbeing and help you cope with the fallout from divorce. Some alternative therapies include:
- Movement therapy – e.g. yoga, Pilates, line-dancing, salsa or other dance type classes
- Art therapy
- Mindfulness and mediation
- Deep breathing
- Music therapy
What can I do to help myself?
In addition to the options discussed above, there are things you can do to help yourself:
- Regularly exercising – e.g. a brisk walk around the neighbourhood or going to the gym may help with low mood and feelings of anxiety
- Eating regularly and choosing nutritious foods
- Aiming for eight-hours of sleep each night
- Spending time with friends and family who are supportive and positive towards you
- Engaging in relaxing and enjoyable activities that nurture you – e.g. reading, crafting, watching movies, painting – essentially anything that takes you out of yourself that you enjoy doing
- Surrounding yourself with positive people.
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